Breaking the Bondage of Narcissism

She has attempted suicide many times. Contemplated it more than anyone knows. Her own son and his girlfriend found her in her closet with a noose around her neck.   But you wouldn't know it when you walk into her house. The minute the friends come around, he's a completely different person. That's why she doesn't mind the constant visitors. It's the only time she has peace.  He expects her to smile and laugh and act like he's the best husband in the world. And his friends believe it.  What they wouldn't believe is he's a cheater. Even if proof was put in their face. But the one time she welcomed phone calls from a friend from her past, he made her call everyone and tell them she's a lying, cheating whore. If she wanted to stay, she had to admit her guilt to everyone.  He tried to sleep with her best friend once. His best friends girl. She refused him and told his wife. The wife believed her, but his torment was far to grea...

Under my scars, there is a woman wondering why. Why did you let him do this? Why did you stay?  Don't you remember all the times he came home from the bar with a woman's number in his pocket?  Don't you remember how many nights you laid awake in bed crying because he wasn't home yet and the bar closed 2hrs ago?  Don't you remember the time you called him from a different phone and he told you he wasn't married? Don't you remember the pornographic photos in his phone?  Don't you remember your daughter running down to the bar to get him and telling you she had to pull some bitch off his lap?  Don't you remember his friends telling you he was at a strip club?  Don't you remember the text of him encouraging his married best friend to have an affair?  Don't you remember the absence of comfort when you were hurting?  Don't you remember him not showing up to important events to support you?  Don't you remember the times he blamed...

Was just thinking to myself last night, had he not discarded me would I still be there? Yes. Yes I would. Because that's what I did for 25 years. I stayed. I hoped. I let him destroy me.  And for a brief moment I was thankful. Going on 2 months of no contact and in this time he's given me the freedom to reflect, study, becoming more knowledgeable of exactly who he is.  I hear all this stuff about how they come back, love bombing and hovering to work their way back in. I had a little anxiety about it for a while but as I grow stronger, each day is a reminder of how much better my life is without him. He's not coming back and that's a promise I made to myself.  He gave me a gift without even knowing it. 

I post a lot of things about narcissism on my Facebook. Both my personal profile and my "Breaking the Bondage" page. What I post on my page gets shared on my Instagram. I'm even thinking about starting a TikTok. And here, I have my blog where I can tell bits and pieces of my story.  I do ALL of this to "recover" and now that I'm feeling the healing power of knowldege, I want others to have it too. Knowledge is so powerful.  Like when we're sick and we google our symptoms. Then we can take our medicine. The knowing helps us decide what medicine we need to take. The medicne makes us feel better until the ailment goes away. Sure we can skip the medicine and just wait it out.  But... do you ever wonder if you would just take the medicine that you would "heal" faster?  Or, maybe if we hadn't googled the symptoms we wouldn't know what the problem was? Ok, ok... I know a symptom can mean anything. But you know your body. You know w...

I was the sober one! I was at every soccer game, dental appt, emergency room visit,  parent/teacher conference, school play,  class party, birthday, holiday. I did all the dropping off, picking up, running around.  Do you remember how you'd get drunk at every race our son had? I do! Do you remember showing up drunk at our sons 1st baseball game AS THE COACH and being escorted off the field? I do!  Do you remember all the late nights at the bar? Coming home at 6am when the bar closes at 2am? The girls numbers in your pant pockets? The excuses? The lies? The cocaine snorting and porn out in the camper? The titty bars? DO YOU REMEMBER? I DO! But still, you convinced everyone I was the cheater. YOU WERE THE MONSTER!