Breaking the Bondage of Narcissism

Was just thinking to myself last night, had he not discarded me would I still be there? Yes. Yes I would. Because that's what I did for 25 years. I stayed. I hoped. I let him destroy me.  And for a brief moment I was thankful. Going on 2 months of no contact and in this time he's given me the freedom to reflect, study, becoming more knowledgeable of exactly who he is.  I hear all this stuff about how they come back, love bombing and hovering to work their way back in. I had a little anxiety about it for a while but as I grow stronger, each day is a reminder of how much better my life is without him. He's not coming back and that's a promise I made to myself.  He gave me a gift without even knowing it. 

Before all of this, I was having my own health issues. I'm not one to seek attention and to be honest, I didn't want to hear, "but what about me?" Which is what he did everytime. If something was wrong with me, he'd one up me. If I felt a certain way, he'd one up me.  I just know if I told what was happening with me, it would take the attention away from him for a short time and I would never hear the end of it. So I decided to keep it to myself. After all, isn't it better to have people treat you the way they will treat you truthfully rather than hide behind the, "I need to be nicer to them because they're sick"?  And now after everything that's happened, I feel like I'll just be accused of seeking pity. Maybe even lying.  Where does that fear come from? It comes from years of being invalidated and unsupported. It comes from the selfishness of someone that needed everything to be about them.  So here I sit. Wondering if t...