He put me through hell....


His victim card? The reason he did what he did? He tells everyone I cheated on him from day one.  I don't know about you, but some guy tells me he was cheated on and my red flag radar goes up. 
NO woman cheats for NO reason. Not any woman that has a good man... or is that just me? 
Let me tell you about day one. He didnt call me for 8 days after we met. Why? He was in jail. Says it was from being pulled over with a broken tail light, driving on a suspended license. But it was a DUI. 6th and final one in CA (you'll understand why in a minute). But I, like an IDIOT, believed him. Not that it mattered to me at the time.  The night I met him I was celebrating filing my divorce. Didn't care to get involved. Wasn't in to him like that. Matter of fact, it was a HUGE turn off that he went to jail.  But I let him "love bomb" me. I absorbed that shit like a sponge  and stuck around much longer than I should have. He became possessive, stalking, had jealous outrages, lies-lies-and more lies. I experienced more false accusations in 6 months than I did the entire 9 yrs of my first marriage. I couldn't get rid of him. 
Then my chance came. A job offer in another state. How was I to know that he'd invite himself to follow me? The first of many "self-invites". 
The first few weeks I was in CO without him. After moving my things, he had to go back to CA to serve 3 weeks in jail for the "driving violation". The second he got it, he was heading to CO. Sound like he was running from something? Yeah, his past. But he had a past he couldn't run from and that memory haunted him. His drinking got worse. The neglect got worse. And just when I was ready to run... pregnant. Fuck! 
Then came the, "I will change. I want my family. You and the kids are my only family." 
But it didn't stop. The porn addiction. The bars 3 to 4 nights a week. Strip clubs. Not coming home till 7-8:00 in the morning. (Bars close at 2am). After the 3rd DUI, I was ready to leave again. Guess what? Yep. Our son was born 9 months later. "Ohh, I'll change for my boy. I've got a son to raise. I'll be a better man." 
I am so freaking gullible. I'm feeling complete disconnection. I'm feeling unloved and worthless. So yes... I danced in the attention I was getting from other men. In my mind my marriage was OVER. I wanted out! I started to become the reason he drank. It was no longer his uncles fault. The one who molested him with blow jobs every night for 3 years. It was MY fault now. 
Started to go to school to get a degree so I could support myself and 4 kids. I knew he wouldn't ever help with them. Getting him to be a Daddy was like getting him to stop drinking. Wasn't happening. When he caught wind that I was bettering myself so I could leave, he pulled my access to the money WE were making and yanked my education out from underneath me. I was stuck. With my 4 babies, I wasn't about to live in a shelter. I put up with his bullshit so my kids could have their own beds, clothes, their education.  And then the 5th DUI. Yep... pregnant with #5. 
I was digging my own grave.  
Fast forward to DUI #7. Sentenced to 2yrs in DOC. This was my out. He only served 1 year but soon after he got out, I was packed and heading to AZ. Where he ended up following me. Not living together. He was hauling cars, trailers, boats. Collecting his little entourage of whores. Telling me he loved me and I was the only one he would ever love. That there was no one else and we belonged together. Love Bombing the "main supply". Do I sound like an idiot yet? Cause I was, bad. 
I put up with YEARS of shit. Years I can't get back. Fuck you satan! 

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