Breaking the Bondage of Narcissism

The day to day strength it takes to heal from this abuse is grueling. Somedays I can't take it. I swear there are more days that I just want to end it all. More bad days than good days are not healthy to the mind.  So I find myself screaming at the devil to leave me alone. He doesn't need me. He got what he wanted. There are several souls at play here in this wicked game and he can't have mine. Then he whispers to me that I'm the biggest prize of them all and I know this is going to be a long, hard battle.  To outsiders, I look fine. I look like I'm healing. But on the inside, I'm dying. And it's an excruciating death. To be discarded like you never existed? Silenced like you never mattered? Abandoned like all those years never happened? He killed me. Who I was,  what I did, right where I stood... he murdered me... and got away with it. For now.  Justice will not come at my own hands. Vengeance belongs to God, who is close to the broken hearted. ...

His victim card? The reason he did what he did? He tells everyone I cheated on him from day one.  I don't know about you, but some guy tells me he was cheated on and my red flag radar goes up.  NO woman cheats for NO reason. Not any woman that has a good man... or is that just me?  Let me tell you about day one. He didnt call me for 8 days after we met. Why? He was in jail. Says it was from being pulled over with a broken tail light, driving on a suspended license. But it was a DUI. 6th and final one in CA (you'll understand why in a minute). But I, like an IDIOT, believed him. Not that it mattered to me at the time.  The night I met him I was celebrating filing my divorce. Didn't care to get involved. Wasn't in to him like that. Matter of fact, it was a HUGE turn off that he went to jail.  But I let him "love bomb" me. I absorbed that shit like a sponge  and stuck around much longer than I should have. He became possessive, stalking, had jealou...