Happy Freedom Day!

I woke up this morning thinking about the wonderful man in my life. I wanted to make him breakfast and celebrate him.  When he woke up I told him, "You're not my Father and I didn't make you a Father but I think you're an amazing Father to your kids". 
Something I was never able to say to the Father of my kids. (My 3 youngest) 
My heart sank at the thought that I deprived my kids of ever being able to say those three words except out of obligation. Maybe he is was a "good Father" now. Not from what I've seen and heard but thank God my kids are now old enough and it's not me forcing them to acknowledge him today. 
Then I got to thinking about how 2 yrs ago today we were wishing him a Happy Fathers Day while he was in an induced coma. I watched my kids tear up as they didn't think they'd ever spend another one with him. 
And I went into my head about all I did for him during that time and after he was released and how I resented it. ALL OF IT! 
Then God spoke to me....
After all I went through with that man, I was still able to show compassion. I was still able to be there for him in his time of need. And though it cost me dearly in the end... ALL of it was to glorify my God. 
I write this because God showed me - IT WASN'T ABOUT ME! It wasn't even about my ex. If I didn't have God in my heart, I never would have done what I did. If I didn't have God in my life, I never would have survived the pain that was inflicted on me by him. 
I look at the man in my life now and see the blessings I have received because of "honoring God"!  
I'm no longer the one being lied too, cheated on, manipulated, used or having "fun times" dangled in my face to stay. I have a man that IS a good Father and everything I wish I had all along. For me, for my kids, for my grandkids BUT I have it now. 
Yesterday we went shopping together for the first time and it was playful and fun, not stressful and selfish. He was willing to get me whatever I wanted without "owing him" and I knew that I didn't need anything but the peace I felt in that moment in my life. 
We came home and devoted time with God, ate dinner and communicated on levels I've never experienced until this man. I finally feel "safe". 
You know, an egg can not be used until it is broken. But what's inside is nourishing and good. It took being broken to see what was inside of me and now, I get to share that with someone who deserves it! Today is my Freedom Day! 

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