Breaking the Bondage of Narcissism

We are conditioned from a very early age that, "words will never hurt me". Well they do. Does this dismiss the impact of emotional abuse? And is emotional abuse limited to words? What about actions or lack of actions? The silent treatment for example or total discard.  Why are people not held responsible for this behavior? Why is it that we categorize abuse and only speak up about what is visible? I think there is a lot to say about driving someone to the point of wanting to die.  So let's discuss visible vs not visible. If you see a bruise on a friends cheek, what's the first thing that comes to mind? Certainly not that she tripped and hit the corner of the coffee table.  Does someone need to be crying for you to know they are hurting? Often times the pain is so deep and the vicitm is in a position that requires them to mask the pain. Like being at work, school, out in public. You cant see it but it is there. These are the times that break people down. Th...

Before all of this, I was having my own health issues. I'm not one to seek attention and to be honest, I didn't want to hear, "but what about me?" Which is what he did everytime. If something was wrong with me, he'd one up me. If I felt a certain way, he'd one up me.  I just know if I told what was happening with me, it would take the attention away from him for a short time and I would never hear the end of it. So I decided to keep it to myself. After all, isn't it better to have people treat you the way they will treat you truthfully rather than hide behind the, "I need to be nicer to them because they're sick"?  And now after everything that's happened, I feel like I'll just be accused of seeking pity. Maybe even lying.  Where does that fear come from? It comes from years of being invalidated and unsupported. It comes from the selfishness of someone that needed everything to be about them.  So here I sit. Wondering if t...

Sometimes, in the midst of all the pain you NEED to remember to turn to God for healing of your mind, your heart, your soul.  There is no other way to escape the demons attacking you. There is no other love that can comfort you and give you peace.  Do not let the demons win! It's a tough battle but you can do it. They are not stronger than God.  In my dark hour, I wanted to end my life. My demons tried to convince me it was the only way to end the pain. If not for my kids and grandkids, I might have believed them enough to follow through. But I knew I would enslave my children in an unimaginable pain as long as they lived. God put my focus on them. Reminding me there was more to hold on to than the betrayal and disappointment that was thrown at me by people I trusted. By a man who never belonged in my life. God gave me plenty of queues to leave. He showed me many times that my marriage was not blessed and I didn't belong there. Looking back at all ...

I have everything I need to destroy him. Problem is, he's too good at playing a victim. Has a back story for everything. An excuse to excuse his behavior, his actions, his choices.  He's already convinced this great guy he works with to start a business with him. The same kind of business we had together. He just needed someone smart enough to take the test and get the license.  This guy is going to be the biggest investor. B has convinced A that they are going to be rich. Don't get me wrong, B has the ability to make it happen. Don't all liars make the best salesmen?  A has a family. He's a Godly man. B is using this as a lure. Playing the "great Dad" who was an incredible "family man" and wants what's best for A and his family.  So what's the evidence? What could I possibly have that could put doubt in A's mind.  Court documents. A lawsuit. B moved here not to be closer to his kids. He ran from a company he stole $76,000...

Not the 5th DUI when he went to work release for 6mo. It wasn't the 6th DUI when he spent 6mo in County. Nor the 7th DUI when he was sentenced to 2 yrs in DOC (prison - only served 1 yr).  The image above is his most recent,  "I'm never gonna drink again". He was passed out drunk in this trailer when it caught fire and would have died had a passerby not jumped that wall and pulled him out. He spent 6 weeks in an induced coma due to his burns. A total of 2 months in the hospital. Pushed himself to get out of rehab within 2 weeks. In less than a month he was smoking again (said he wouldn't). Baby steps to old self? His behavior hasn't changed. His pity me, look at me, it's ALL her fault attitude is back already. 25 years with this Narcissist and I am 100% confident the drinking WILL happen... and soon!  To all who have fallen for his crap again and failed me, again.... don't even bother with,  "you were right". I'm done with you...

I belong to a support group on FB and one of the members asked if anyone else had a Narc Ex that was obsessed with money.   The memory flooded!  We ran a business together.  The licenses were in my name, I ran the office, balanced the books, did the taxes.  He had the field smarts. While I stayed home and answered the phones, scheduled the jobs, called the inspections, took care of the kids, played housewife, it was ALL HIS!   If I wanted money, I had to ask for it. Then I had to justify needing it. If it was something as important as groceries, I had to perform "favors" to get it. TO FEED MY CHILDREN!  He would have me sign his name on checks to pay bills (so it looked like he did everything) but he red-flagged me at the bank so I couldn't write checks to myself.   Everything bought... was HIS! Every house we lived in... HIS!  This memory is killing me right now!