DON'T GIVE UP....

3 months ago I was suicidal. It lasted well into last month. I fought everyday with thoughts to end my pain. Where, when, how... every single fucking day. I would be out driving and hope someone would swerve into me, t-bone my car, hit me head on. There were even times I'd look for a pole to smash into at a high speed. I didn't want to be here. 

This is what hurting someone so badly does to them. You destroy them. Unable to see the blessings around them. Unable to feel the love from other people or see that they are needed by anyone. To pull myself out of my thoughts, I had to look for these things and focus on them. It's so much easier to be miserable when you're hurting than to put on a fake smile, pretend to be ok, go on as if nothing is wrong. The hard part was making people believe you were ok, when you're not. How could they not see it? How could the ones closest to you NOT see it? 
And then.... one day I woke up and I was a little bit stronger. One day I was no longer a prisoner to the pain. One day, I wanted to be here. 
I give God all the credit for my strength to pull through a very dark moment in my life. A moment in time that I almost allowed to end the rest of the time I have left. 
Today, I am happy again. I am free from the excruciating pain of being torn apart. My wounds have turned into battle scars. I have a testimony to share with others and I will not be silenced. 






























































































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