Wake your ass up...


Years later and I'm still triggered by the abuse. Last night I had to take my youngest (20) to the ER and while she apologized profusely for his late it was (work night(, I couldn't help but remember when my kids were little and I was the only one in the ER with them.  
As you can imagine, with 5 kids, that's a lot of ER visits over time.  
This morning I'm forced to get up for work on 3 hrs of sleep. Only this time, I don't have an angry, heartless asshole standing over me telling me to,  "Get the fuck up". 
(BTW... my daughter is ok). 
This memory just makes me resent myself for staying. I allowed him to bully me and dictate everyday as if I owed him. As if he owned me. 
It didn't matter if it was a near all night visit to the ER, a fussy newborn or me being sick. Didn't matter. 
But let him be hungover AF. Let him be sick.  Me....Jumping up to keep the kids quiet, making sure the TV isn't too loud, not letting any door in the house close too loud, keeping annuals quiet. 
How the hell did I live like that? 

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